To be too nice can be a problem. There were times in my life, so I was just too nice. Today I don't like the word and if someone tells me: You are really nice, then I link it to feelings from the old days, when I couldn't understand why I was exploited too often and did not receive the recognition that I should be entitled to.

I wanted to unconsciously like me. That you can see me. That you pay me attention.

But the reality spoke a different language, because the nicer I was, the less I was really noticed.

I was a matter of course. My needs were at the back - because I had put them there myself.

Strength outside - doubts inside

Do you know that?

You say "yes", even though you feel "no" internally.
You help even though you feel empty.
Do you adapt - and lose yourself?

Professionally, I was almost always strong. On stage, as a leader, as a maker, as an entrepreneur. As a teacher of acting and dance academies, I was very clear- and even quite strict. Between humor, rich knowledge and expertise, I had this gift to bring people with my strictly into their greatest potential.

I was not afraid not to be liked because I knew my attitude was useful. I wanted my students to grow and develop their potential. And they felt that.

Maybe it was also because I went through a hard but loving school myself.

In New York I was trained as a dancer - uncompromising, demanding, without false consideration. In India, at the Ayurvedic bodywork, I was checked with every touch. My teacher Shika knew no pardon and provoked me so much until my ego dissolved in tears. But I knew: All of my teachers meant it well with me. Every single correction brought me further.

When I had an idea in my theater , three ex-play students came over to visit me. Three men. Three actors. We sat together at the bar and suddenly one said: "You know Nora, I didn't like you at first!" Another agreed: "I had shit every time you entered the room." The third laughed: "You were sooo strict - I thought you were terrible. But do you know what? You were the best teacher I've ever had! And I am grateful that I have learned you over time. Thank you for everything!" The other two agreed: "You led us strictly." "You took us seriously." "We felt seen."

I was often too soft in my private life

Too nice? Too adapted? Find the courage for your point of view.

Too nice, too understanding, too little clear, too hard to keep harmony. I said yes too quickly. I let too much go. I didn't want to stand out and preferred everyone - and that was exactly what I started to suffer.

I made myself inconspicuous, not made any claims until I didn't know what claims I could have anymore.

I could do everything alone! I don't need anyone who keeps the door, wearing my suitcase and praying me.

Once an old friend visited me with a new man. I was amazed! He asked her what he could do for her - and she told him! And got it! At that time I started to suspect how things could be different between man and woman.

A sentence that changed everything

I remember a conversation with an ex-boyfriend. Honest. Still. Today we are good friends.

He said, "You never treated yourself valuable. That is exactly why I lost interest at some point."

Bäm. That sat.

I understood immediately. And I also understood: real men - kings - like to take on tasks for your partner. My friend today said from the beginning: "I don't like it if you don't tell me what you want."

"What do you want to eat?" - "Oh no matter how you want ..."

Disaster!

I was the woman who never expressed needs. Always adapted. Always understandable. Always nice.

But this behavior brings a relationship out of balance - because friction creates vitality. The fire dies without excitement. And then we are looking for it outside - affairs, separation, new adventures.

Today I advise all women: stop just seeing what he wants. Look what you want.

My tip: keep the focus on you. What do I like? What value do I give myself when I don't care?

I have researched for years: about polarity, female and male energy, attraction and inner attitude.

And then it became clear: appreciation begins with myself. If I don't know my needs - how should others recognize them?

"If you don't treat yourself like a queen, nobody will treat you like one."

Coaching in your femininity and self -respect

Appreciation does not come from nice - but through your attitude. It arises from clarity, limits and the courage to stay with you.

Are you ready to take your throne?

Reflection issues for your way to the queen:

• Do you let things go through not to attach?
• Do you stay "nice", for fear of being rejected?
• What do you avoid - and why?
• What would be different if you would show yourself fully?

How you can work with me

I come to Germany regularly - to the Landhotel Altes Zollhaus. There I offer retreats, yoga, mindset courses and dance to femininity. 1: 1 coaching are also possible.

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Or come with: in the desert , to the sea or in the forest . In silence. In your body. In your glow.